⚠️ Trigger Warning: Suicide Prevention Awareness.
This post discusses personal suicidal thoughts, experiences of despair, and survival. It may be distressing for some readers.
If you are currently struggling, please don’t feel obliged to read further.
Always prioritise your well-being and consider reaching out to a trusted friend, mental health professional, or a suicide prevention helpline in your country.
Surviving the Darkest Moments: Suicide Prevention Awareness
Once upon a time, there came a period in my life where I wanted to end it all, not just figuratively, for attention or as an edgy way to be different.
For real, like research and planning stuff, I was inches away from an earnest attempt at suicide.
Not the first, this particularly dangerous episode of depression wasn’t during the teenage angst phase as many have experienced, it was later on in my early-twenties.
A period that came after the bubble of young adulthood burst, after a stifling, abusive relationship, during an exodus of friends that I thought had my back 4eva.
Following the unfolding of consequences from years of my misguided choices – I believed that I was left with only one option: end it all.
It consumed me, terrified me, changed me.
Finding a way to go that would impact the least amount of people whilst not hurting myself or surviving in any capacity was ironically my lifeblood for a while.
The way I saw it was textbook for those with strong emotional ability: that nobody cared, that the world was better off without me, that everything was so horrific there was no point going on, that the pain of existing was too much to bear, that death would be the final frontier that held any mystery, enough to soothe me and take it all away in one fell swoop.
I thought I knew it all, had seen enough and that nothing would change. Just like anyone else in my situation considering suicide, how profoundly wrong I was.
Looking back, I see how I believed lies and let them fester.
Backing myself into a state of imagined isolation, seemingly alone, it was really a very close call.
That’s why I now choose to tell my story of survival so publicly in honour of suicide prevention awareness month 2025.
I’ve never been private about it per se, but I didn’t exactly publish anything so openly for strangers to read because of it being such a delicate subject for many, and I don’t claim to be an authority or professional that can help in any way.
Many are even surprised when they learn I know a little something about depression and mental health issues.
Surviving those darkest moments changed everything. What was close to killing me ended up being my ongoing protection, a blessing and something I will forever hold dear.
